i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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