I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I love you.
Bad choice
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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