I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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