Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
