Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
