i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
