When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
