Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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