tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
