forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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