She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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