I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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