I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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