he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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