dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I supernannyed him into submission
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
