I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
