If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
