I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
