do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
