when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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