We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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