in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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