You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
