The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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