took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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