please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Randomize
