I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Only a mothe r could love this liver
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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