now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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