She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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