Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
