This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
