So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I want her autograph on my taint
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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