Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
