It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
what day is it and did you see me today?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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