i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
