We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
