Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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