Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
stop calling my apartment porn island.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
