I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
