This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Randomize
