My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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