paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
