she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
