i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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