LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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