Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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