i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
