they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
