I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I pour the whiskey from now on
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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