Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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