There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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