I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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