Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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