I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
