I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
