I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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