I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
