my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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