sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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