walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
as a side note pls kill me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
